T-minus 2 days

A very dear friend of mine, who incidentally celebrated a birthday yesterday, always thought as a kid that when people used the exclamation “Jesus H. Christ!” that they were actually saying “Jesus Aged Christ!”  Like Jesus was such a little scamp with all his crazy shenanigans (hanging out with hookers, making everyone’s water alcoholic) that he caused the poor, patient Christ to age prematurely.  I’m not a Christian, but I think it’s hilarious and charming and I love her brains out, and this is now my favorite exclamation.  All that to say:

Jesus Aged Christ!  Never in my life did I think my cry for support would generate such an incredible wave of encouragement and amazing stories of similar struggles—some overcome, some not.  I know I have 2 days left to be officially down and grumptastic, but I’m getting an early start on the gratitude part of this experiment.  Here it goes:

I am amazingly grateful to all of you (many of whom I’ve never met) that commented, subscribed, wrote, counseled, advised, emailed, commiserated, g-chatted, messaged, called, twitted, facebooked, linked, followed, friended,  and/or texted.  It is profound, and it means the world to me.  As I prepare for the first step on this month-long journey, I feel remarkably un-alone.  I’m also really excited that some of you are joining me on this and hope that you guys will comment on how your experience is going.

But I’m not gonna lie.  All the support, all the wonderful encouragement scares me out of my gloom-filled gourd.  Now it means I can’t chicken out.  I’m totally fine with failure when it’s unnoticed, but public failure is like all-caps failure.

failure

So thank you all, but damn you, you’re going to make me do it, aren’t you?  Fine then.  But you guys who are doing it with me, you can’t back out either.  I have your names and I know where to find you…

Meanwhile, for the next two days, before I have to make an effort at life and continue to publicly display my struggles, I plan to squeeze every ounce of slothfulness I can out of the dark side.  That’s probably the wrong way to go about it, but I figure the best way to say goodbye to something is to hug it senseless for a while.  So I’ll be senselessly hugging until I see you all on Sunday for Day 1.

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26 comments

  1. Sian

    Also, I officially (and publicly) bailed on NaNoWriMo last year after blogging about my progress every day for 20 days. People were way less throwy with the sharp stones than I’d expected. I’m still a little snarky with myself about it, but that’s to be expected.

  2. Lizzi; Considerer (@LRConsiderer)

    No – enjoy the sloth and indulgence. Get right on in there and feel it deep, before you start trying to change. It might help.

    And, excusemeverymuch, but as one of the people who’s so excited to see this happening at ALL, I kinda have to say, I think that even if you bail after a while (though I reckon you’ll find a way to keep going) I shall not be swayed from the opinion that in just SAYING you’ll do it – and being genuinely prepared to do so, you have already won the war. Now you just face the battles.

    I will be cheering you on.

  3. katrinajoyplam

    Jesus Aged Christ, I love this soulful battle cry!! You’re going to give that Soul Hole a run for its ghostly money. Seriously, this is inspiring and beautiful. I look forward to your witty banter and amazing stick-figuring as your charge forth upon this journey to take back the night! Viva la Revolution!

  4. jdkcubed

    There is no failure..You simply start again..dont judge, dont agonize, dont feel you have to “explain” simply start again..What other people think of you is none of your business 🙂

  5. Louisa

    Go Randy!! I’m rooting for you! I love sloth and torpor, almost as much as having a good old time and will look forward to hearing/seeing/reading how your journey goes. xo

  6. Jennifer

    All that is required for success is being willing to take action and being willing to do the work, so you are already a success! There may be days when you can’t do all 5 of these things. There may be days you can’t do any of them. If that happens, don’t be too hard on yourself. Just try again. All any of us can do is try. I know that trying is hard when you are grieving and just want to sleep, and eat, and sleep, but just try… sometimes just getting out of bed can count as exercise… just saying thank you can count as an act of kindness… just sending an email can count as journaling…. Randy, I’m grateful for your bravery in sharing your experience, I’m grateful for all those who are supporting you and sharing their truths, fears and hopes, and I’m grateful for the technology that is allowing this community to rally around you. Sending you a huge hug!

  7. Cass

    I didn’t comment on your last post, but I’m going to comment here. I’ve been thinking about this for days. I’ve been in two years of mostly deep depression. Caused by a break-up, but then spiraling into something far worse. I have 24 days until I leave to go to India (for 3 months) – a journey that is part-spiritual, part-insane. So … I’m with you.

    • randyscotthyde

      Wow, Cass! That’s amazing! Please keep me updated on your journey if you can. What a great opportunity to shake yourself out of your mindset. Hope you get some loving and eating in there, too!

      • Cass

        Ironically, I refuse to read “eat, pray, love”. This is my second trip to India in 9 months. I’ll definitely keep in touch. I’m considering this project as a sort of a lead-in to being there again. There’s nothing like seeing poverty to make you grateful for what you have, but sometimes depression isn’t logical.

  8. pete

    Don’t. Ever. Give. Up! : ) That video, too, helped me….I didn’t read your whole blog — didn’t need to — I know of what you speak. YOU CAN DO IT! I applaud you!

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