Day 30

I think it’s funny that it worked out so that the final day of this experiment was on a Monday—the first day of the workweek.  All of these cycles of work feeding into each other; one ends and a new one begins.  I’ve come to realize that fighting depression is work; it takes vigilance and action.  Of course I suspected this, people told me this, I knew it to be true, but I didn’t KNOW it to be true.  I kept waiting for something magical to shift, some “a-ha” moment that would instantly get me out of bed and on to the happiness trail, and it would be easy and perfect.

But I was clearly wrong.  There’s no savior in inaction.  Inaction is not just a symptom of depression, it’s also a cause.  It feeds the beast that makes your soul hole (and your gut) larger.  It’s only when you commit to the daily work that you start feeling you have some control in how you see the world.  But make no mistake, it’s work, and it’s hard and it’s slow.  I see now that success is a series of baby steps—you don’t make huge strides, you’re definitely going to fall down, but you’re always moving forward.

I’m a slow thinker, a marinator, so I need a few days in some quiet contemplation to really evaluate these past 30 days well and think through how I want to move forward.  So today, I’m just going to report the day, and I’ll come back at the end of the week to post a conclusion.  Though I’m going to give myself some time, there’s no question that I have to keep up with the work.  What that will look like, though, I don’t know yet.

So here’s Day 30.  Thank you, again, for joining me on this, and I’ll see you in a few days.

3 things I’m grateful for:

1)   Mustering the courage and determination to finish what I started

2)   That I did this honestly and authentically

3)   That I showed the world my wounds and my voice and that both were well-received

4)   For feeling significantly better, kinder, and wiser on Day 30 than on Day 1

5)   It bears repeating, I’m grateful for Shawn Achor for showing me a way out

Exercise

I woke up early this morning before work and went for a jog around the park.  That’s when Day 1 Randy showed up and freaked the hell out.  Day 1 Randy was all, “Um, I had a hard time walking up a hill, and you’re running around the park?  Before work?  And there are hills?  And you’re running them?!”  He was happy for me, but a little jealous.  I tried to remind him, though, that he’d get here.  That he got here.

Then Day 60 Randy showed up and laughed at us both, was a little indignant at the progress he’d made as we were both struggling to keep up.  Day 1 Randy was pissed and frustrated, and so was I if I’m honest.  But I reminded them both that progress is made by keeping at it every day.  Day 90 Randy gave an “amen,” and they both shut up.

Day 30

Random act of kindness

There’s this woman I see quite often in the morning on the train to work.  She’s meticulously put together, every hair in place, make up is perfect, well dressed and accessorized, and always lightly perfumed.  And she drives me nuts.  She’s always hitting people with the over-sized bag she carries, she’s constantly fixing her bangs in her pocket mirror, and she refuses to budge so that more people can get in.  I have not looked upon her kindly in the past and have found myself sometimes plotting her downfall.

I had a seat on the train today, which rarely happens, and my legs were achey from the jog.  But when she got on the train, I stood up and offered my seat to her.  She said “thank you,” I said “you’re welcome,” and  then Day 1 Randy watched in awe as I made conversation with her.  Come to find out, she’s not the devil.  She’s actually pretty nice.  Her name is Elizabeth, she works for the city, and she’s blind in one eye because of a childhood accident.  Which is probably why she doesn’t move when other people come on to the train—she can’t see them.  And again a random act of kindness reminds Day 30 Randy not to be a judgmental ass.

Meditation

When I got home today, I experimented with transcendental meditation and repeated a mantra in my head for 30 minutes.  Let me rephrase—I tried to repeat a mantra in my head for 30 minutes.  Day 1 Randy was impressed.  Day 30 Randy was reminded that meditation can still be tough.

Reflect on something good that happened

So 30 days ago I put down the daily bottles of wine, the remote control, most of the bad food, and some of the self-hatred, and I stood up from the sofa and announced to everyone that I was done wallowing.  I promised my grandmother that over the next 30 days I would make a concerted effort to learn how to take care of myself, and I promised me that every day I would do these 5 tasks that were supposed to make me a happier person.  Today, I am proud to say, I completed Day 30.  There’s still a lot of uphill climbing ahead, but I’ve come so far already, so I might as well keep climbing.

Advertisements

38 comments

  1. Chrissy Maerz

    Randy
    PICTURE YOURSELF running a marathon up and down the 30 day CHANGE to a newer YOU. NOW VISUALIZE THOUSANDS of people on either side of you CHEERING AND CLAPPING for JOY that you had the courage to go through this journey. Count me as one of them!!

    • randyscotthyde

      Chrissy Maerz, you are an amazing lady! With an amazing daughter! Thank you so much for your really kind and encouraging words. I had lunch with Jennifer today, and I told her that I want an invitation to the next reunion because I have to meet you and thank you in person!

  2. Anne

    Yay, Randy, you did it! Although I can see that this will be an ongoing effort, I think it’s great that you documented your 30 days. You are very brave! And inspiring!

  3. Lizzi; Considerer (@LRConsiderer)

    You’ve done incredibly, incredibly well Randy. What a rockstar 🙂 I’m so, so happy that you allowed us all to come along on the journey with you and see the huge differences in your attitudes and behaviour. I love that you’ve had SUCH perseverance – you’ve done AMAZINGLY. Congratulations. Your experiment was a success.

    And yes to #5 – encore, encore!

  4. Kris

    Congratulations! You are a rock star! Thank you for allowing us to come along for the ride. I am so glad I stumbled across this and I have shared this with many coworkers. I don’t think you realize it, but I think day 17 was your ah-ha moment. That day had me in tears and I shared this gem with my boss and she cursed me for making her cry at work.
    The work of happiness is never done, so keep on keeping on – only you have the power to ‘make it so’. The thought of your final entry is bittersweet…..but once again…. BRAVO!!!!!!!

    • randyscotthyde

      Thank you! Most certainly not a rockstar, but glad to have a little of that soul hole filled. Sorry I made everyone cry! It wasn’t on purpose! Yeah, Day 17 really changed it up. If my brain could get tattoos, it would have a giant 17 on it.

  5. Edna

    One thing I’m thankful for……….social media!! Where u can have a connection with people who are a part of your life, people who might have moved away from your space but never out of your heart. The Randy space in my heart has reminded me that it never has or ever will close. Love is permanent. That’s what it’s all about. LOVE…. nothing more, nothing less….just LOVE. I love you Randy. After all you are part of our family. And always will be. Please come see us soon.

  6. dianejwright

    Bravo and bravo. Not only for reaching your goal and changing your life forever (no matter what happens next) but more than that, for starting and sticking with it. How many people ever get to be truly proud of themselves because of something they set out to do? Because they’ve built character under their own steam? You’re quite a man, Mr. Hyde and I wholeheartedly salute you.
    With love and admiration,
    djw

  7. Shona Lockhart

    Why did I just discover this brilliant blog at Day 30 when you are at the end of your challenge? Please don’t stop – it’s genius. This could be turned in to a book – you write so well and your illustrations are fantastic too. Maybe someone will buy the film rights (now I’m getting carried away). Anyway I just wanted you to know that I am seriously impressed. Bravo!

  8. Rodney Carvalho

    Congrats, dude! I actually do a meditation practice that consists of exercises; one of them is a gratitude exercise. So, I know what you’re talking about when you say it’s daily effort. But, it’s really exciting when you actually see changes and know that your work is paying off, even though it takes a while to see any changes at all. Thanks for reminding everyone that change is possible.

  9. kirbyp

    Congratulations and thanks for sharing your experience with us all. Looking forward to that well-marinated reflective post.
    I will miss your writing and funny drawings.

  10. David Wilson

    Randy – I’ve enjoyed reading about this journey that you have started and even thought about starting one myself even if its a modified version. I was thinking of a way to improve the process and bam there it was staring me in face. And I’m sure I will get crucified for this from the female readers…..dude you need to get laid. You will once again if only for a moment become one with the universe and sleep like a baby. Just sayin…..

    • randyscotthyde

      Yeah, I tried that plenty. Didn’t work so well. Then the drive to try it again completely left me. But the twinkle in the eye is coming back, so I thank you for the reminder.

  11. Susie Dalton

    I am so happy and excited for you, Randy. It has been a beautiful experience sharing some part of this journey with you, and I am so wowed and moved by your words, your openness, your heart, and your realness. Every day of these 30 has made me more impressed by you as a person than the day before (on top of the already-awesome-Randy I knew). Thank you for giving us this gift. Please sign me up on the no doubt long list of people that are ready to celebrate your progress with you in the coming weeks.

  12. Katrina

    Thank you so much for wonderful month of inspirations and wonderful postings to look forward to in my inbox. I plan to try a dedicated stretch of these daily steps as well. Best of luck with the continued progress, and please keep blogging as you go. We’ll miss you. 🙂

  13. Becky Nester

    Randy I don’t know if this creates a public post or not. I’m not really savvy with these things. I have followed this post every day for the past 30 days and like the woman who wrote the article today, I have become addicted. In multiple ways I have identified with this and have learned so much from your journey and from my own attempt ( not as good as yours but okay attempt) to follow this experiment. I am in awe of the strength and determination and honesty that you put into this. In one of the comments one day i mentioned that I appreciated your honesty because many people that struggle with personal challenges aren’t honest about what it takes to overcome them. You put yourself out there and that is so hard to do. I will miss the daily updates, the daily humor, the daily wit of an incredible writer. You are an amazing person and your MawMaw would be so proud of the amazing man that you are. Whenever your old randy tries to take the upper hand, remember the impact that the new randy has had on you and so many around you. I will miss you and I wish you the very best. Thank you for all you have done Becky

    Sent from my iPhone

    • randyscotthyde

      Becky! Your comment made me misty-eyed. You have to delete the parenthetical, though — (not as good as yours but okay attempt). Any attempt at this stuff should be celebrated. No comparisons! Living is hard enough, and adding behavioral changes to it makes it doubly hard. Thank you so much for your really kind words. I hope you put yourself out there, too.

  14. Julie Phelps

    Awesome!!! Huge kudos and pats on the back and all that to you. You have provided an excellent example of what true determination and effort looks and feels like. So many of us are seemingly afraid of change and afraid of hard work. I hope they pay attention to your progress and find the guts to emulate your effort. I think you have likely exerted a positive influence on several people already.
    Looking forward to more of your writing. And progress.
    Smiles from my corner of things…

      • Julie Phelps

        You are very welcome. You have inspired me too, ya know. Getting back to long walks was a bit overwhelming after my latest knee injury, but following your lead, I kept at it and am feeling like the new improved version now. So THANK you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s